*who will watch the kid(s) while i work?
*how will i afford to take time off for maternity leave?
*how will we afford to decorate the nursery? (this is important people)
*what if i have to go on bed rest during pregnancy? i don't have disability insurance
*is it worth having kids if someone else watches them 7 hrs
*do i trust the public school system to teach my kids? would i want to pay for private school? do i have the patience to home school? could i even home school while working?
there are a million more things that i think of, trust me, this head of mine never stops.
one thing i always thought i knew was that i was created to be the mother to boys. girls scare me. of all the years i worked at the school i always related better with the boys. i used to babysit girls and i had fun with the dress up and coloring and watching the princess movies, but i kind of felt out of place. i was more of a tom boy as a child and never was really about the SUPER girly stuff.
let's face it, girls are more expensive (make up, hair products, accessories, expensive jeans, a million shoes etc), and far more emotional and moody. i annoy myself sometimes with how much i cry and how angry/frustrated i get for no reason, i can't imagine having to filter through another girls emotions and moods on a regular basis.
boys just seem...simple. self explanatory. sure i read the book "wild at heart" by john eldridge and i cringe at the thought of my child coming in covered in mud or the fact that having boys tends to mean more sporting events, and more broken bones, possibly some stitches and a black eye or two. nothing some good heath insurance a little bleach can't handle. i realize that boys will be boys and kids need to be kids.
however i had a serious change of heart the other night concerning these very things...
while driving to a baby shower with my bff we were discussing the difference between boys and girls. she (the mother of two boys) casually stated "there is a far greater responsibility when raising boys to become GODLY MEN"
my world was rocked.
i had never thought of it that way. yes, i worry about my kids growing up and loving the Lord and fearing Him as hubs and i do. holy smokes i hadn't thought about the heavy biblical responsibility that men have in this world. as a parent to a boy i would be expected to teach that and raise up a biblical MAN that could lead a family of his own, serve a wife, possibly pastor a church.
the thought terrifies me.
could we do it?
now we may never have kids! :)