Thursday, October 1, 2009

wuv, trwo wuv.

so i was reading a post today over at Big Mama's blog (if you haven't read her blog lately, you should. she's hysterical and funny about all the things that we often find "discouraging". bigmamablog.com) she was talking about gals in their early twenties. mostly single gals and the struggles that comes with finding a husband. i was interested because that was me for many years and i have a huge heart for girls in that role. however i also think that your heart beats for different things as your stage of life changes.


while i still have a passion for wanting girls to be patient in that in find their own fit in life and be content where they are rather than long for the married phase, i now have a burning desire for married gals. marriage is a huge joy in my life. i found an amazing husband who loves me, serves me, provides for me, helps around the house, does ALL the yard work, takes me on little get aways, handles our finances, got me out of dept, taught me how to serve him effectively, etc etc etc. i am more than blessed and not a day goes by that i don't thank the good Lord for bring him into my life when He did. however... (yes there is a however) marriage is hard work and there was a huge transition period for us. i didn't know how to serve a man, he didn't know how to deal with my hormones. i didn't know what TLC he needed when he was sick (which is a lot by the way) and he didn't know how to handle my family (which is tough by the way). there's a "dance" of sorts that marriage takes to work and it's tough. as a new couple there are "uncharted" waters that you wade in often just looking for a raft to cling to. we've recently discovered a few couples that we can hang out with occasionally and i think that is HUGE! it's so nice to know that we're not the only ones struggle to find the ebb and flow of marriage. we have a few couples that just got married and they are still trying to figure this all out and it's fun to watch.


i think the number one issue most newly weds have is with the in-laws. family is such and interesting "beast", for lack of a better word, and each one is so different that trying to adjust to a new one and merge the two is rough! there are traditions, functions, priorities, feelings, and much more to accommodate and nobody gets it right the first time! we seem to have a harder time as the wives dealing with the in-laws because his mom has always been the woman in his life and most men aren't really taught how to smoothly "leave and cleave". if the husband has that down, it's often hard for the mom to understand and cope with. we wives usually get the bad rap with the mother in law for stealing her son. i think this is even harder if he's the only child, the only boy, the first one to leave, or the baby. so basically, it's always hard. :) i pray each day that if i'm ever the mother of a son that i prepare myself early on to raise that man into a wonderful leader an husband and that i can let go and let him do so when the time is right. (this brings me to two other posts that i'm working on currently. stay tuned for more on both those subjects).

as fall is rapidly approaching (well, it's supposed to be here, but some days i swear it's still summer) i begining to think toward the holidays. i love thanksgiving (since it's all about food) and christmas is, or was, my most favorite time of the year. once we got married holiday's got HARD. there's so many things to think about, schedule around, plan for, and just plain SURVIVE. i can honestly say i dread the holidays themselves for that very reason. i won't get into what traditions we all had prior to being married and what that looks like now for two reasons: 1. our families read this blog and one or both will probably take offense to something i say. 2. we don't have any traditions of our own yet and we haven't done the same thing two years in a row yet. my goal and desire is to have some sort of family plan in place by the time we have kids so that we can enjoy the holidays as a family, but it may take just that long. right now we just fly through them as best we can trying not to officially tick anyone off too bad. there are so many different sides of the family that we have to miss something and someone always ends up feeling left out and excluded. thanksgiving is just one day and prior to this year we both had to work the next day so there was no running back and forth between both sides of the family. not to mention that ryan's family doesn't live in town, so there's driving involved. christmas is thankfully two days christmas eve and christmas day, but there are like 5 sides of the family that have things during those two days, not mention the driving thing again. add in the fog (which is a given on christmas eve and christmas day) and you've got the family telling us where we should be and when we need to be there to avoid the fog. ugh. i am hoping we can try the same schedule this year that we tried last year, since it really worked for us (i think anyway) and maybe that will be the new "normal".


ok, i think that went from marriage transition to holiday woes. i said all that to say... i pray each day for new opportunities for ryan and i to mentor/encourage/hang out with new couples and show them that it only gets better once you learn the "dance" that marriage takes.


... then you become parents and have to learn to "dance" all over again. that's why we're not parents. :)
*pictures above are from various events/places. #1. my friend Jill's wedding Sept 2008 #2. disneyland April 2008 for my bday. #3. our first christmas in our house Dec 2008 #4. family photos on the beach. this was a candid shot July 2008 #5. fresno state football game Sept 2009

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